Just the stuff that has been going on

     Its been a long time since i have posted. It has been a hellish time. My grandmother on my father's side has passed. It was a long time coming, she was dealing with everything from her stroke that hit her hard about 11 years ago. it just amazing how many health problems will come up after a major health problem. While I'm sad that she has passed on, i know that it was for the best that she is no longer in pain and fighting for every breath. The hardest part was slowly watching her go, it was also bad that there were times were she had a clear mental moment and she knew that she was dieing and that she was going crazy. Those times were hard to watch and deal with
   
     Then last may, my grandfather on my mother's side finale went. while the breathing problems that he has had for years did him in, a part of me wonder if my uncle had anything to do with it. Not that he directly killed my uncle but all the problems that he had put my grandfather thru didn't help him along. My grandfather died at my uncle's house, we were told that he went peaceful. But I have to wonder if he would have been in the nursing home or the hospital; he might have lived and still been kicking. but on the other hand my uncle is getting what he deserves for all the stuff that he put my grandparents thru. he was left with nothing, the only thing that he got were the cars and whatever he could get out of the house before my mother could change the locks. it shouldn't make me feel good that he is going to lose his house because he has not paid property taxes for a few years, my mother is thinking about buy that house when it goes to auction for back taxes, and throw his ass out of the house and then turn around and sell the house for what ever she could get out of it. She is willing to even take a lose on the house just to make sure that he gets what he deserves. 

     Then last May, my sister got married. It was nice, my youngest little brother got completey trashed. it was hell trying to get home with him. 

     Even with the good stuff that has happened of the last year or so it just seems as if the depression has just gotten worse. Some days it takes everything in me to get up and go to work or even do anything. I don't know why it has gotten worse. No matter what i have tired to cheer myself up it has not worked. the thick blanket of depression has just wrapped tighter and tighter around me. Surprisingly i have been loseing weight, before when the depression was bad i would gain weight like crazy. i act like i am happy but i haven't been truly happy in a long time. I don't even know what its like to be happy anymore. Sometimes the people that smile are the ones that needs a hug and told that everything is going to be ok. I have never had anyone tell me that its going to be ok. I always have to be the strong one. the one that nothing is allowed to bother her, the one that is not allowed to cry. 

     I have been so strong for so long that i don't know if i will ever be able to open up enough to allow someone in. It always seems just as I'm about to open up to someone, then that person just fucks me over. or if i like someone and then that person starts to date someone else. It just seems as if I'm destend to be alone forever. I am have temtped to start collecting cats and become the crazy cat lady. Or spend all my money on body work, tattoos, percings or even body modifations. Well thats enough whinning for now. Its time to take a nap.

You know that I have not been posting much. Working two jobs and trying to save money to move has made it hard to, and it just seems as if I have no real desire to do it any more. But the thing is that I know that I really should, just to keep myself sane. May be I should just to shut the voices in my head up.
I'm going to try to see if I write as it comes to me that it would be a better blog... Well see, thats all that I can say. The "Story" mode will start with the next post.

FML over the last month

Hi everyone!! I know that it has been awhile since i last posted. But there has been a lot of stuff that has been going on that i was unable to find time to post.

I have been working no joke, at least 90 hours every pay period. Yea it is so much fun, I have not even had time to do anything for myself. Plus for the last few weeks the Internet has been down. I have been going thru withdrawal like a bitch!!

Then my niece had her 1st birthday. I never seen a baby rip a cake apart like she did. I kid you not that she had cake in about a 3 foot radius around her. My sister, and my cousin, and the floor were wearing cake and icing. It was cute, after she stopped playing with the cake she started to share it with everyone. She would take a little fist full and mush it up in her hand. Then she would hold it out to anyone for a taste of it. I have a ton of pictures of her wearing the cake and everything. I would put them up but my sister does not want any picture of her on the web.

 

Then a week later was my class reunion. Got it was my ten year, I could not believe how fast the last ten years have gone by. It was nice to have seen everyone that showed up. The one guy that I had a crush on back in the day when was still the same. He always like the skinny like skinny as in skin and bone girls, but there he was drunker then an Irish man on pay day that lands on St. Patricks day. He was drinking from 8 a.m that day until god only knows. Well most of the guys were really drunk before hand because of the the Ohio State Vs. Michigan game. Of course I was drinking. I got drunk but I didn't get to the point were i needed help standing up. I had to walk home after it, well I only live across the street from were we had it. But my god it was fun, some were dancing, playing corn hole, but most of my class was in the bar area drinking like fishes. Now if there would have been a couple of other guys from my class would have been there, I would be adding more to the story about how I bagged the Quarterback or something else like that. but no it didn't happen. I had to go home alone. Now if i would have had a ride to the 2 after parties god only knows what would have happened that night.
                                                                                                                                                                     
This is a part is a story that you will wonder why it happened. On Dec. 1, my mother and i went over to her father's to visit. I thought that it was weird that his dog, Fancy was not at the gate to meet us as we walked in. Well we asked grandpa were she was and grandpa said that she was with my uncle Quay who we shall call Coke-head. But anyway, it was getting later and later and he still was not back to the house. Grandpa was starting to worry. He was getting worried to the point that he sent me to Walmart for ink and paper to make lost dog posters. Grandpa was positive that my uncle lost Fancy. "You know I wished Quay would be a man and come to me and tell me that he lost my dog." Grandpa said to me. I tried not to giggle. But about 9:30/10ish, grandpa got a call the the Girad police. Grandpa handed me the phone so that I could talk to the police and see what was going on. I was talking to the officer, the officer said "Yes, we would appreciate it if you could come and get the dog." I ask the officer "Not a problem, we'll be there in about 30 mins or so. But could you tell me how you found her?" "Well, she was in the car that Quay was driving when he was breaking into cars." I was shocked, "OK, not a problem. well be there in about 30 mins." So grandpa, mom and my self pile into my car and we head to Giard. And we get to fancy and we get her in to the car, she's in the backseat with mom, Fancy puts her head up next to mine. As we were driving (tiring to find it) to police station, Fancy puts her paw against my shoulder and tries to push me out of my seat, because i was close to grandpa. We get to the police station, grandpa and I go inside to find out what was going on. Well my uncle was breaking to cars and was stealing stuff out of them and he was caught right in the middle of getting stuff out of a truck. I could hear the cops talking with him in the back and telling him that he was caught red handed and that they have it video taped. but you could hear him claiming that he was just looking at a truck. Finally the chief came and spoke with us, Quay was being charges with felony B&E, Larceny, and Drug abuse. To make everything worse was that he had my grandfather's car, he didn't even have the balls to take his own car!!!!!! I mean what kind of person does that!! The police ask what kind of medication that he was on and we told them. They released him that night, which i thought was stupid. They told us that it would be about an hour or so till he was released. So i took grandpa and Fancy back to grandpa's and then turned right back around and got Quay. As the cops are bring him out, Quay is bitching saying that he was wrongly arrested. The cop said that you need to watch your mouth or were going to have to rearrest you. I turn completely around to the cop and said re-arrest him, you'll be doing me a favorite. The cop laughed at that. All the while Quay was getting snack cakes from the vending machine. When i finally got him out side he was still bitching about be arrested. I get him into the car, no sooner are we even out of Giard, he is slurring his words and is pretty much higher then a kite. My mom and myself had to pull his ass out of the car and get him into Grandpa's. We left Grandpa's not long after we got Quay back there it had to be about one in the morning. I still wished I would have kicked the side of his knee. It would have made me feel so good to do it but I had to be the bigger person and not do anything.

And that has been my last month. There is going to be more posts coming up, there are somethings that need there own posts.

I'm Back.

Its been a long time, I know but there has not been that much going on. Just working and working and not doing much else.

The only thing that really happened has been that my mother's mom had died on Sept. 22, 2011. She passed around 4 a.m. What happened was that she came out of her room and couldn't breath and she set up and did her breathing treatment. Well the small breathing machine was not working for her, so she had my grandfather set up the high flow breathing treatment (which is the breathing medican attached to the oxygen tank). Grandpa set it up and he turned back to the T.V. He then say the smoke from the machine coming out and it was sitting there in her lap. My grandpa said something smart to my grandmother, when she didn't answer back to him. Grandpa all but jumped over the coffee table and tried to make sure that she was ok. He called 911 but it was to late she had passed. Grandma was only 67, she was relatively healthy until that night. I miss her but I know that she is in a better place now. But still it hurts, it still has not hit me yet that she has died.
So of course that meant that there would be family. My uncle who has never really has ever been sober was even more not sober. right before my grandmother passed he started to do coke and god knows what else. Well he still is not sober, I doubt he ever will. That pretty much it. There has not been much more going on at this point.

well this weekend was fun!

Well my fun weekend started on Thursday night about 7:30 p.m. I was heading to work I was sitting behind a white van at the light on Glennwood and Canfeild in Youngstown. I was sitting there waiting for the light to change. I heard police sirens, I was thinking great I'm going to be late for work. The kid coming from the canfeild going from west to south turning the corner there and was barley started to turn when a tan caprice came speeding up and tried to swerved around the kid but he still ended up hitting the kid. Missed the white van in front of me completely and headed straight for my car. As soon as I saw the damn car coming at me, I thought "Ah FUCK!" The car hit mine and spun my car around once and again in half. I was stunted, i reached for my seat belt and un hooked it. The ATF agent ran up to the car and asked if i was ok. He had to help me take the seat belt off. As soon as i was out of the car he had to step in between myself and the fucking asshole who hit me, I was going to beat the fucker. but the cops made me sit down, I started to feel the pain in my head and pulled my hand away from the wound, i was bleeding pretty bad. I sat down on the little wall that lined the street. the little kid that he hit first sat down next to me and he was crying and very scared. I kept trying to calm him down telling him that it was ok. But the ambulance took the asshole to the hostable, with in about 5 mins of the accident. While the kid and myself answered all the questions that the police had for us. It was probably about a half hour later that the kid and myself actually got taken to the hostable our selves. I had ended up with 5 staples in my head, I don't know what the kid ended up with I left the hostable before he did.
Here's the news link : http://www.wkbn.com/content/news/local/story/Police-Chase-Leads-to-Three-Car-Crash/FLwOlZd0F02itpau1RvhGQ.cspx

The White car was mine.

So I've been off of work since the. I'm going stir crazy. I am under doctors orders to stay home and relax all week end. starting tomorrow i have to start dealing with everything from the accident.

You have read about my "Friend" Mandy, how her and myself have been friends for a long time. well not even after ten mins after it showed on the news she posted on facebook about how karma came back onto me. Well she said that it was Karma because i couldn't throw her a bridal party or anything else because she's getting married next month. tell me how she could say something like that? When this time last year another friend of ours died in an horrible car accident, and she was broken up about it for months and she needed her "best friend". But i get into one and she is all happy about it. You know I have gotten tired of all of her shit, and dealing with the e trouble that she got herself into and then she would blame everyone else for the way that her life has turned out. when it was her fault that she was still getting messages from her ex. well its not helping her that she is still leading hime on and was haveing sex with him as late as of May '11.  I don't like her current boyfriend. Well she meet him in Oct. 10', then started to date him in Nov. 10' then she moved in with him by Jan. 11' and they are planing to get married in Aug. 11'. Is it me or does it seem like shes moving to fast. I asked a while ago why she was moving this fast. She told me that the reason was because she wanted him to adopt her daughter, because she doesn't want her kids bio-father to get any vists or beable to even get shared custody of the kid. I mean i understand the reasons behind them but still being in a realsonship with someone just so they can adopt your kid, that just fucks the kid up. and most of the people have been havare betting on how long that it will last. Mandy is acting all big and bad about this shit, and with her fat boyfriend acting like they are tough but its all just an act ive gotten tired of it and ended it. both of us are almost 30 its time for her to grow up.
well thats it for the rant tonight.